Real or Not Real
by Quenching Fire
Summary: Real or not real? Annie Cresta lives in a twisted view of reality and constant game of real or not real, but she wasn't always this way.
1. We Begin

My first memory was of sitting on the warm sand and feeling the cool rain begin to drench me. Staring out at the ocean and watching the moon rise. I remember my first time out on the ocean with my father and the last time. I was only 5 but I remember looking out on the ocean, seeing him swim to shore, then suddenly he wasn't there anymore. My mother started screaming and my brother Steven started running out into the water. None of it made any sense to me. My other brother, Caleb, who was eight at the time, came to me and scooped me into a big hug and kept whispering to me that everything would be okay. We waited. When I looked up again all that was left was blood. They were both gone. My oldest brother and my dad. I never went out on the ocean again. The very though terrified me.

As time went on I learned to deal with my father's death. But nothing was really the same. He and I had been inseparable. You'd think with five older boys my dad would be perfectly happy, that I, the youngest girl, would be over looked, but instead I was treasured. While my dad and the boys would play together, I never saw him look at them the way he looked at me and I knew that as long as I lived I would never find someone to love me like that again.

I think this is where it began. The pain was too much. I knew I should feel something and yet...I felt nothing but an insatiable emptiness. Nothingness. Sometimes I could swear I heard him down by the docks or checking in on me at night, just like he used to, but he was never there. It was just me.

I first learned about the Reaping when I was seven. I had, of course, been to them before but I never knew what they meant. I and my four brothers Eric 17, the twins West and James 13, and Caleb who would turn ten the day after the Reaping. We went to the square and Eric and the twins separated themselves from us. The mayor, a pompous, middle-aged man with white hair and an always dirty beard spoke, then the Capitol spokesperson came up. She said one of the girl's names. I didn't know her. Then she called another name. My mother screamed and hugged Caleb and I close. The name the Capitol person had called was Eric Cresta.

I watched as Eric mounted the stage. He was so strong, he always had been, but for the first time I saw tears in his eyes. Despite that he held his head high and looked more powerful than ever. The next few moments I can't remember clearly, all I can recall is my mother sobbing hysterically and Caleb holding tightly to my hand. Suddenly a big burly guy pushes his way through the crowd. A shade of relief passes over Eric's face and my mother collapses into the arms of a bystander.

That night after my mother and the twins have gone to bed I sneak into Eric and Caleb's room. Eric is sitting up by the window, the light of the moon making his eyes shine even more. As I walk in I hear him say to Caleb,

"What if it was me? Where would I be now?" As I close the door they both turn to look at me.


	2. Nightmares

Now I know...but ignorance was bliss. However the damage was done. The knowledge was there and with it came the nightmares.

_Blood. That's all I remember seeing before I took off running. My shoes kept getting caught in the thick underbrush and my face was being scratched by hundreds of thorns as I ran. I didn't kill him, I don't know who did but I had to get away before they killed me too. I was soaking wet, I must have been running for over an hour but still I heard those persistent footsteps behind me. Suddenly I heard a voice, a voice I knew. I changed course and began to run towards the voice. It was my brother Caleb. But as soon as I arrived at the place where I though his voice had originated it would come from another part of the forest. No matter what I did I could never catch it. Then the world started shaking._

I woke with beads of perspiration on my forehead and with Caleb standing over me shaking me back into reality. Just like he did every night. He asked, like he did every night, if I wanted to talk and again I tried but couldn't finish. All I could tell him is that it was about the Games. How could I tell him that all of my nightmares were about me in the Arena. About how I always found a dead person but never found the killer, how I ran for hours but never outran my pursuer. About how I watched helplessly as my friends died in the Games. About how he always played a role in my nightmares. All Caleb knew was that I was scared. Even though he didn't know the whole story Caleb always managed to make me feel better. It usually involved him making a fool of himself just to make me laugh. And after I started laughing he would tell me a story, most of which he made up on the spot, as I drifted back off to sleep.


	3. So Close

**Dear Readers, I'm sorry for such a long delay, but I'm here now! Enjoy and review and check out my new series of shorts, **_**We Remember**_** and my romance special **_**Always**_**.**

**Natalie**

I turned and straightened Caleb's collar.

"One more day!" I said excitedly to him. "One more day and you're safe! You turn nineteen tomorrow, you're so close." He looked down at me, smiling too, it was smile or cry and we were both determined not to cry.

"And only three more years until your safe. You've made it five years just three more Reaping sand our entire family will be safe." We stood there, facing each other. We were both so close. He turned nineteen the very next day, then we would celebrate, our family had suffered enough with the loss of my father and Stephan. So close, so close.

We lined up. He walked over to stand with the other eighteen year olds. I stood with the fifteen year olds. I looked up on the stage and saw Finnick. He was so young. Only nineteen, and yet he'd seen unspeakable things. He glanced my way. We hadn't spoken in a long time but he managed to get a note to me through Darrin that the Capitol wasn't allowing him to speak to me, he couldn't explain why. I smiled at him, he tried to smile back but had to look away. I wondered what was troubling him.

Our escort, a male now, the old one had caused _quite_ the scandal with some high-ranking Capitol official and had been removed from her post and most likely turned into an Avox. Then I saw the other Victor that had volunteered to mentor for this year's Hunger Games. She's a joke to everyone. We call her the Capitol Fisher, mostly because she has such a Capitol air about her, ever before she won the Games. Also because all of her time spent in the Capitol is spent chasing after its men, clothes, food, ect. She ignores the needs of her Tributes and yet is allowed back year after year.

**She appears so peaceful. Just standing there watching the idiot of a mayor make his speech. But I know that look in her eyes too well. She isn't calm, she's just dropped out of reality for a little while. I noticed this happen when we first started talking. Sometimes it was when good things were happening, sometimes it was when bad things were happening and sometimes she was just bored. I laughed inwardly at the mental image I conjured of her imitation of math class. Her teacher rarely ever talked about math, instead she talked about her troubles in the romance area and Annie showed me both her, her teacher and some other students' reactions. She was a fine mimic.**

** When the mayor came to the part in his speech about the creation of the Hunger Games I become serious. I knew that Annie was going to be Reaped but I couldn't tell her anything. Even before that I worried for her. One day, after we had met at the bakery but before I had introduced myself and confessed my feelings I saw her walking home from the beach. She came across three town boys, hanging around by the docks. I knew they were up to no good, and obviously she did too because she began walking a different way, taking the round-about route home. They began to follow her and, fearful, I followed at a distance. One called out,**

** "Hey love, how 'bout a kiss?" It was obvious that they had been drinking, even though they were underage. She wisely ignored them and continued on her way, just a little faster than before.**

** "Hey baby. Don't be like that. I'll pay for the kiss, and it's not every day you get a guy like me. You're stuck down here with all these Dockers, bet you don't know quality kissing." She continued, never looking back. He ran up and got in front of her while his buddies walked behind her, closing her in. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards him.**

** "Come on now."**

** "No." she said steadily and strongly. Then he shoved her roughly against the nearby wall.**

** "Alright now, I gave you a chance to come nicely, you rejected it. I guess we'll have to do it my way." His friends came closer and took her arms. She fought them as hard as she could but was no match. The first boy began to make a move and I ran forwards towards them. When they saw me the stopped their dirty work and released Annie. She dropped to the ground, the adrenaline she had used to fight them gone and the horror of what had almost happened registering.**

** After that I helped her train. It was on the pretense of helping her in case she ever found herself in a situation like that again, but really it was for the Games. She wasn't half bad at handling combat situations but I didn't think she'd ever be able to fight a person for real, let alone kill them. She was too tender hearted. **

We are called to attention. I look over at Caleb and he smiles a nervous smile back at me. Then I turn back to face the front. The speeches go on for what seems like forever and I zone out. I come back into focus as the Escort is introduced. Guy Fitzgerald. Ugh. He makes a few quick comments to warm up the crowd before saying.

"You all know the rules, the winner is announced and then...volunteers are accepted! Volunteers must be the same gender and between the ages of twelve and eighteen. Now that that boring stuff is out of the way! Let's find out our girl Tribute! My heart begins beating. On every beat I think, _So close...so close._

He walks to the big bowl. _So close._ He reaches his hand in. _So close._ I begin breathing heavily. _So close._ He grasps a note. _So close._ I watch him pull his hand out of the bowl. _So close._ I see Finnick out of the corner of my eye with an expression on his face that I can't quite read. _So close._ Guy unfolds the paper...I've stopped breathing. _So close._

"And the winner is..."_ Please, please, please. _"Annie..."_Not Cresta, please, please, please. _"Cresta! Annie Cresta! Let's give her a hand everyone!"

I can't move. I stand looking straight ahead and seeing nothing. I can't ever process it. Somehow I make my way up to the stage. Guy puts his arm around me and leads me to the center of the stage.

"Do we have any volunteers?" I look out into the crown desperately searching their faces. Sure in a Career District there will be someone who will volunteer for me.

"Going once...Going twice...Congratulations! Annie Cresta you are the District 4 female contestant for the 70th Annual Hunger Games! Now. Shall we see who will be joining you in glory?" I can't even hear him.

"And the male tribute for District 4 is...Caleb Cresta!"

_We were so close._

**Thank you all for the review. It means so much to me. I would love to have as many reviews as possible. I'll never be able to improve my writing if I don't find out what I'm doing wrong. So please! Critique. I ask that you also tell me what you like about my stories so I can keep doing that. I always aim to please!**


	4. The First Goodbye

Goodbyes. This was what was left. All I can do now is say goodbye to those I love and hope that they'll let me go. I sat on the couch in the Justice building, trying to maintain a calm composure. Determined to make a clean break with everyone.

My determination broke when Darrin walked in. It was startling to see him without his baker's apron. Today he wore stiff black pants and a forest green collared shirt. Even though he wasn't technically family, my heart broke when he walked through the door. _This is it. Say goodbye. _He closed the door behind him. Came and sat in the chair across from me. Both of us looked at each other but neither of us spoke. It wasn't because we had nothing to say, but because we didn't need to say it out loud. The way you know what your best friends are thinking just by looking at them. Having communicated this way for so many years at the bakery it was almost natural for us not to talk. What was unnatural was the conversation. Before our conversations were about customers.

_Here comes Sarah._

_Wanna bet she's getting more cookies for Ryan?_

_Does she really think that cookies will make him like her?_

_You know what they say, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach._

_Please..._

No words were used for this conversation. There was an eerie silence surrounding us. The justice building added to the gloom. It was a dark building, despite the many windows. I guess it seemed dark because the day had become stormy. Thunder boomed and lightning crackled outside the window and we could still see people walking back to their homes in the rain. The windows were curtained by dark blue velvet drapes, held back by golden tassels. They floor was a dark hardwood with no rugs or anything to warm it. The walls were blue and the ceiling oppressively low and dark. There was minimal natural light, I assume because on pleasant days the windows provided all the needed lighting. Now there was only a steady white glow from the 15 or so lamps. The couches were square shaped but with rounded edges and the table between us was wooden and bare. Most of the room was bare.

We just stared at each other, suddenly he stood up came around and embraced me.

"Listen to me Annie, I love you, just like a brother, but you knew that. That's beside the point. I love you too much to let you go without saying this. You have a chance of winning."

"I don-"

"No," he said firmly, "don't protest, you do. I know you don't think so. You may not be the best fighter, but Annie, you're beautiful. You can get sponsors but you have to try. You can't give up. If you can't promise me anything else, promise me that you won't give up. Can you do that?"

At this moment, at these words, a spark ignited in my soul. I had a chance, a small chance to be sure, but maybe...it didn't grow, there were too many dampers around it. My lack of strength, my fear of conflict and confrontation, but it didn't go away.

"Yes," I said. "I won't give up until I have to."

"That's my girl." I brought these for you, he said, extending a package out to me. "Cream puffs, your favorite."

At this small gesture I burst into tears. He held me for a second but then the door opened and his time was up. They pulled him away from me and the last thing he said to me was "Don't give up." And I knew now, because I promised him, I couldn't.


End file.
